Is it because I queefed?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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