I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
