I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
