I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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