I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
