If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
