I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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