her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
