I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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