you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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