he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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