I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
