I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize