Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
