dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
