My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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