why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
