I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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