road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
