dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
