I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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