**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
