In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
