he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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