u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
