i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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