That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
