Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize