so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
