next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
