So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
