There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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