Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize