This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
