The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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