You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
