The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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