I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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