I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
