wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
