If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
