I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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