Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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