chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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