Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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