i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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