Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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