He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
