She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
