I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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