Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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