i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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