made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
