Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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