This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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