He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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