All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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