her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
