I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I still have a little drunk in my system
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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