How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
