Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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