I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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