Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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