We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
